Haunted Stars Imperial Rye Porter is the November entry in Modern Times’ monthly specialty beer calendar and a tribute to the efficacy of their Mad-Libs Beer Name Generator. Ordinarily I’d just co-opt the triplet of descriptors they adorn the label with for the review and scurry off to cash my fat beer writer checks, but Haunted Stars caught me on a thirsty night.
The dark auburn brew pours out a generous, chunky taupe head harboring aromatics of muddy chocolate and squaw bread. It’s an inviting primer for the experience ahead.
The peppery notes of the rye practically lunge onto the palate. It has a spiciness that bristles against the tongue, complementing the texture as much as the taste. That gives way to silky, sweet dark chocolate, cold brew coffee, and vanilla without becoming sticky or cloying. It finishes with a smattering of coffee grounds and the merest herbal tinge that doesn’t so much dry the palate as ready it for the next volley.
This beer tastes like a mic drop feels – potent, masterful, triumphant. If someone asked me in person to describe what this imperial porter tastes like, I would abandon the utility of spoken word and express it solely in dance with a series of languid, yet passionate humping motions.
I’m sure many of you witnessing the love song I’m writing to this beer are assuming I’m a MT fanboy, a Useful Idiot to their PR regime. The second part is arguably true, but sometimes gushing over a beer is totally justified. Haunted Stars hits all the right notes for me. Beers like that don’t come around every day and I wouldn’t be doing my job if this didn’t read like a call to action.
If you can still get it, you should. If you can’t, you should find out who did and acquire it by whatever means you can, no matter how nefarious. I ain’t no snitch.