Anyone in San Diego with a love of beer and penchant for reading has probably encountered Brandon Hernández. He’s been a bastion of local brew news for years, contributing to the San Diego Reader, Celebrator Beer News, Pacific Magazine, our own fair dispatch, and probably five or six other newspapers he’s printing out of his basement. If the name rings a bell, you’re likely familiar with his expansive knowledge of beer and cuisine, his undying love of a good (?!) pun, his beautifully coiffed hair, and general literary flair. Still, even given all of that exposure, one question about the man remains unanswered: What does he taste like?
Sadly that mystery remains unsolved, despite pronouncements from Rancho Bernardo’s URGE American Gastropub that they would be featuring a BrandonBurger for a month. It’s actually just a burger recipe of Brandon‘s crafting and will not include cuts of Brandon‘s well-marbled sirloin. Despite the colossal let-down, I soldiered on to give the @Offdutyfoodie Burger a whirl.
(Word to the wise: don’t feel compelled to vocalize the “at” that prepends the burger when ordering. At best it will momentarily throw off the wait staff’s comprehension, at worst it will make you sound like the sort of technological neophyte that still insists on saying “the Google”.)
Brandon’s latest culinary masterstroke is made from a blend of grass-fed angus beef and Mexican chorizo topped with Manchego cheese. The burger is delivered open-faced with a honey and mustard-glazed pacetta chip crown that’s been baked until crispy. It’s so perfectly nested on to the burger that you almost forgive Brandon for not having bits of it protrude as a delicious pork fringe the way strips of pig on a cheeseburger are supposed to. Almost.
This burger is nothing short of a spectacle. From the towering presentation to the assortment of marmalades and sauces that accompany it I quickly realized that my dignity was not going to survive this meal intact. Even if you can casually unhinge your jaw like a egg-eating snake to tackle this behemoth, you’ll never be able to restrain all the juicy burger accoutrements from hastily spurting out one edge or another. Sometimes the euphemism “taste explosion” is playful hyperbole, but here it’s a logistical certainty.
I’m afraid that I am not equipped with the expansive food vocabulary that Brandon has to properly describe this burger, so allow me to keep this nice and simple. This burger is good. Damn good. Arguably crazy good. So freakin’ good I want to pull Brandon into my sturdy embrace and kiss him square on his soft, pouty lips. I know that escalated quickly, but we are talking about a spicy, beefy chorizo patty loaded with sherry vinegar onion marmalade, habanero pickle chips, roasted red peppers, and roasted garlic aioli here. I won’t apologize for my feelings.
Not many beers are up to the task of pairing with this simultaneously smoky, tart, and zesty dish. It demands an equally savory and robust quaff, such as The Lost Abbey’s “Serpent’s Stout”. If that’s not available, ask your server if they have any unicorn tears on tap since that may well be the only sufficiently magical drink to accompany this burger.
The Off Duty Foodie Burger will only be available at URGE through May 14th, so start stockpiling them now.